IDIOT OF THE MONTH: Legends of stupidity return to May leaderboards

This strange man, purportedly a sports columnist, penned an ode to Nikola Jokić’s underwear. Great job, buddy.

What’s that saying? “If someone shows you they’re an irredeemable piece of shit, believe them”? Case in point, alleged sex criminal Jackson Mahomes.

Before you tweet, think about what’s happening around the NFL these days. Think really hard about it, particularly if you’re soliciting a massage therapist. C’mon.

Jewish volleyball standout George Santos finds himself on this list after he was finally indicted on charges including fraud and money laundering.

This titan of idiocy bought an arena football team and it went to shit pretty much immediately. Who could have seen this coming, except everyone?

We don’t take enough people’s passports away.

That can be the only conclusion when seeing how Trevor Bauer, our most recent export of sludge that no one asked for, right up there with Fords, has landed with a splat in Japan. You could argue that Japan is the one that welcomed him, so they’re getting what they deserve. And boy are they getting it.

Bauer showed up with at best an ill-conceived and at worst insulting — and it’s Bauer so always assume the worst — strikeout celebration before he’d ever thrown a pitch. His teammates were already on alert after seeing it, which in a shocking bit of actual awareness he shelved. Perhaps the language barrier prevented him from invoking the usual “it’s your fault if you’re insulted” excuse.

Then again, Bauer didn’t have much excuse to be pulling out any celebrations, seeing as how he spent his first three starts getting his ass kicked up to his ears by NPB hitters, to the tune of an 8.40 ERA. If you’re going to be a galactic asshole who can’t change his ways, the least you could do is pitch well.

Maybe he’ll blame it on the lack of sticky stuff, or the fact that Japanese baseballs are pre-tacked, or maybe he’ll come up with something new to absolve himself. It’s always been his best skill.

If there were a shitgibbon parade, Brett Favre would be in the running for grand marshal. As if he couldn’t lean any further into the muck, Favre sank deeper into the mud this month by calling for a Fox News boycott over the right-wing propaganda network firing host Tucker Carlson. It’s not entirely surprising that Favre is a loyal viewer of Carlson’s, though. What a boycott of Fox News is supposed to accomplish is still up for debate, but it’s still not the most worthless thing Favre has been involved with lately.

Favre clearly shares a deep parasocial connection to Carlson’s face on his TV. For years, Carlson was the face of the network’s pro-Trump faction. Favre endorsed Trump in 2020, golfs with the Hair Fuhrer and Carlson’s show was often a gentle landing spot for Trump’s nightly drivel. They also have similar problems, which include sending text messages whose contents wind up being used as damning evidence.

Carlson’s text messages played a significant part in Fox News being sued for billions of dollars by Smartmatic and Dominion Voting Systems. Former Tucker Carlson Tonight staff member Abby Grossberg’s lawsuit allegedly also played a factor in Carlson’s departure. Carlson suffering consequences for his misconduct may also have been triggering for Favre, who has dodged accountability thus far and who also has his own dubious history of sending illicit text messages. Favre’s text messages with the former Governor of Mississippi have him under investigation as well, although he has denied any wrongdoing.

Favre’s troubles stem from a civil lawsuit filed by the Mississippi Department of Human Services which is seeking to recoup welfare funds diverted to vanity projects, among other misallocated funds. Favre knows the feeling of swimming in lawsuits related to his own foul actions.

One incontrovertible truth about America in 2023 is that grifters will gravitate towards other grifters like magnets. Carlson clung to Trump once he sensed the grift gene and Favre is doing the same thing with Carlson. Favre is going to need friends in high places soon and likely views getting into the good graces with fallen miscreants like Carlson and Trump as his only potential escape.

Commence the shitgibbon parade.

Did we learn nothing from Pete Rose, whose name is still akin to Lord Voldemort in parts of Cincinnati despite being the city’s greatest athletic export? Well, at least former Alabama baseball coach Brad Bohannon didn’t understand that being allegedly associated with betting on games he was managing was a bad thing. The Crimson Tide are a great baseball team, good enough to be one of the top 16 teams in the country, and host an NCAA Tournament regional this weekend. Bohannon’s managerial skill isn’t in question. Do you know how badly you have to fuck up to get fired at a school that cares about three sports (football, spring football, and football recruiting), and you’re not involved in any of them? When all your program does is add meaningless icing on a self-deprecating Nick Saban cake? Yup, you did that Braddy boy. How’s unemployment? At least betting is not ethical for you!

Bohannon was axed on May 4 for “among other things, violating the standards, duties, and responsibilities expected of University employees,” per a statement from Alabama athletic director Greg Byrne. While how heavily Bohannon was involved in the sports betting that led to him getting the pink slip isn’t publicly known, and may never be, but his quick ouster does all the talking for both sides. Maybe Bohannon thought he could get away with it, or it wouldn’t be a fireable offense (the most idiotic option), or he was looking for a quick way out of coaching forever. Having no moral compass or external reference point to think this was a bad idea shows Bohannon isn’t fit to run a Division-I athletic program. It’s actually twisted to think this was going on for a while before he was caught. How many results were influenced by slimy tactics that somehow didn’t derail the Southeastern Conference baseball season?

The person making the wagers that flagged questions was identified as Bert Eugene Neff Jr., of Mooresville, Ind., by Sports Illustrated, the parent of a current University of Cincinnati baseball player. His relation to Bohannon is unclear, other than through the baseball world, as Bohannon never coached in the state of Ohio. Either way, congratulations on being a huge dumbass, and thinking helping someone make money off your kids through sports betting was a good idea.

The baseline question for every IDIOT OF THE MONTH selection is: How could they be so stupid? So obtuse? So… idiotic? However, in the case of Bob Huggins, it’s a widely known fact that he’s a dumbass. It’s only a matter of opportunities until he does something brainless, heinous, or both.

This time around, the West Virginia basketball coach jumped on a radio show and called Xavier fans the F-word that went out of circulation once empathetic human beings dropped casual homophobia from their vocabulary. And Ol’ Bobby said it not once, but twice when talking about the “Catholic f — s” from Xavier, The back-and-forth featured a tasteless transgender joke from Bill Cunningham, and the hosts of the show, who tried to stifle laughter — either at Huggins’ comment or his lack of decorum — throughout the Huggy Bear story hour.

And if you’re wondering how quickly Huggins got fired, he didn’t. Instead, the 69-year-old walking scandal received a $1 million reduction in salary (he now makes $3.15 million as opposed to $4.15 million), and has to go to sensitivity training. Lord help the counselor trying to teach old bigots new societal norms.

Glen Kuiper did it to himself.

“I could not be more sorry and horrified by what I said. I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies,” said the Oakland A’s longtime announcer just before he got suspended a few weeks back for saying the N-word when discussing the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum.

It’s kinda like the only word white people can’t say, and Kuiper still found a way to mess it up. And because of it, he lost his job.

“Monday morning, I was informed by an NBC executive that after a 20-year broadcasting career with the Oakland Athletics, my contract was terminated, effective immediately,” Kuiper wrote in a statement. “The termination was due to the unintentional use of an offensive word on the air during the May 5 pregame show.”

And if you were one of those people that think he made a simple mistake and didn’t mean anything by it, well, you fell for it.

“Please know racism is in no way a part of me; it never has been, and it never will be. I appreciate the Negro League Museum president Bob Kendrick and Oakland A’s great Dave Stewart’s public support of me in light of this. I am an honest, caring, kind, honorable, respectful husband, and father who would never utter a disparaging word about anybody. Those who know me best know this about me.

“I wish the Oakland A’s and NBC Sports would have taken into consideration my 20-year career, my solid reputation, integrity, and character, but in this current environment traits like integrity, and character are no longer considered. I will always have a hard time understanding how one mistake in a 20-year broadcasting career is cause for termination but I know something better is in my future.”

When you have to tell us you’re not a racist, you’ve probably been one for a long time. And when you tell us how much integrity you have, but then write a statement contradicting it, it leads to you being No. 1 on this list.